The Adventures of Judy & Al
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Now you've done it!

You've obviously clicked on a link that doesn't work. Grazing the Internet does require a certain amount of common sense, you know. The Internet Gods, in their infinite wisdom, created the 404 error especially for people like you. And now you've invoked it. Sigh . . . .

Because you obviously need all the help you can get, here is a detailed explanation of the situation you've created.

You may not have pressed the keys firmly enough or clicked the mouse buttons hard enough. Hitting the keyboard harder has now been proven to make the Internet work faster. In fact, you may have reached this error page because you were not typing firmly enough. This is also the case with mouse buttons. New biofeedback technology incorporated into Windows XP and later operating systems ensures that those who hit hardest get the best responses. Try these simple steps:

Click the Refresh button really hard. Click it several times with varying degrees of intensity. Let us know which click pressure gives optimum results.

If you typed the address in the address bar, type it again but press each key much harder.

Click the Back button firmly (with a slight counter-clockwise twist) to try another link.

OR you could use the menu at the left to navigate our website and try your quest again.

Because we are deeply committed to improving your Internet experience, here are some other tips and tricks we've gleaned after countless hours of on-line research:

  • If Internet response is slow, repeatedly clicking on the same button or link signals the Internet routers to give priority to your request.
  • Internet performance can be improved by issuing the verbal command 'Come on, come on' to your monitor. Sophisticated sound equipment in your PC will respond to many phrases, including some mild profanity.
  • Rapid side-to-side movement of your mouse, followed by four sharp raps on your desk is known to cause Windows to re-prioritize your Internet session and allocate more CPU cycles to hardware response functions.
  • If you are trying to reach a secure site, make sure you wiggle your network cable where it plugs into your PC. This does not apply to wireless connections.
  • If you have a flat screen monitor, don't forget to press the screen until it distorts the image and leaves a gray 'flare' and a greasy fingerprint on the display.
  • With a CRT monitor, a winding motion with your hand to the side of the monitor increases your PC's buss speed by 10%, as does knocking on the glass and calling out "Hello?''.
  • Bullet holes in your computer case allow better airflow to the processor. Not many tech support people will tell you this.
  • Never use the load button to close your CD or DVD drive.  Pushing the tray in by hand overrides the rev limiter & increases read performance by 25%.  Also, the more 'drive not ready' messages you get, the better, so keep on hitting 'retry' really hard.
  • A used ping-pong paddle is ideal for performing percussive maintenance tasks on your computer.